Random moments in the life of a me

Random thoughts of lameness

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 17:39:08 GMT

I'd never say that I have everything figured out, but I thought I had at least a bit of a handle on things. Yet here I am not sure about a lot of things.
It seems like one minute everything is sorted out and I can move forward with things, but then everything changes.

Beyond that, I'd forgotten how hard it is to read people. I guess it doesn't help that I've spent my last 4 years with someone who is, for the most part, an open book. I've really taken that for granted.

Now, I'm having to try to not get really wrapped up in things. Although I know how hard that is and will be since I'm the dive in head first type.

Also, retrospectively, it's hard to not care how things go, for me anyway... apparently I'm not as cool about not having some kind of control in a situation as I thought.

Oh, and I think I'm taking just a bit of issue with the not reading people thing... or maybe it's just me trying to read to far into things... well words technically.

Nah... that doesn't seem quite right...

Songs for the moment....

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 20:34:57 GMT

Unaffected - Hoobastank (The Reason)
Don't Let Me Go - Melanie C (This Time)
Sally's Song - Fiona Apple (Nightmare Before Christmas)
Addicted - Saving Abel (Saving Abel)
As It Stands - The Juliana Theory (Love)
Easier Than Love - Switchfoot (Nothing Is Sound)
Letting The Cables Sleep - Bush (The Science Of Things)
I Miss You - Incubus (Make Yourself)
I'm Not Over - Carolina Liar (Coming To Terms)
Beautiful Intentions - Melanie C (Beautiful Intentions)
Dare You To Move - Switchfoot (The Beautiful Letdown)
Steam Will Rise - Silverchair (Neon Ballroom)
Artificial Sweetner - No Doubt (The Return of Saturn)
On Fire - Switchfoot (The Beautiful Letdown)
Everything You Ever - Neil Patrick Harris (Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog)
Headspin - Rockstar Supernova (Rockstar Supernova)
I Wanna Make It Wit Chu - Queens of the Stone Age (Era Vulgaris)
You - Switchfoot (The Legend of Chin)
Slipping - Neil Patrick Harris (Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog)
Troublemaker - Weezer (The Red Album)
Crushcrushcrush - Paramore (Riot!)
Why Do You Love Me? - Garbage (Bleed Like Me)
Feel It - Jakalope (It Dreams)
Closer - Nine Inch Nails (The Downward Spiral)
Lateralus - Tool (Lateralus)
Ex-Girlfriend - No Doubt (The Return of Saturn)
The Closest Thing - The Juliana Theory (A Small Noise)

Yeah... I listen to these songs way to much...

Affection and Forever

Mon, 15 Sep 2008 23:56:15 GMT

I realized something yesterday...

As much as there`s a part of me wonders what will come of my current situation with this new... companion of sorts, I don`t think I`ll need it to go somewhere.

I`m happy now, even if he`s holding out for or on to someone else. I have him now, he seems to enjoy things now, and that`s all that should and does matter.

As much as you want to have someone and-or their love forever, if you think about it, it`s unattainable. We don`t live forever. If there`s an after life and we get to be happy there, then forever maybe possible, but we don`t even know what comes after all of this.
We have to enjoy it now. There`s no point in keeping yourself miserable.

Still, I can`t help but wonder if I`m doing the wrong things just to get those moments of affection.

Then I can`t help but notice how depressing that may actually be...

An Afterthought:

I hate how part of me lives for those moments of affection...

Smells

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 03:27:22 GMT

It's interesting how different smells can affect someone. They can influence your mood and even remind you of good or bad moments in your life.

Even then, changes in life can affect how you perceive different smells and what you may consider your favorite scents.

I, personally, love the smell of clean laundry, right out of the dryer. I'm learning that smell has a tendency to cling to certain things and I can enjoy it for more than just a few moments.

It's funny that I've found this love of the smell of cleanliness when I'm not always good at keeping things tidy. I wonder if it's partially a nostalgia thing for me personally, as my grandmother is a bit of a clean freak and I smelt cleanliness a lot as a child.

It's interesting the way smells can affect people, the right smell, in the right moment can ruin a moment or make it that much better.

The smell that turns me off the most is concentrated cigarette smoke, the only way I encounter it is when I'm near a chain smoker, or someone who lives with one. The way it clings to clothes drives me crazy. Yet, cigarette smoke, well smoke in general, can be an awesome smell. It's all about quantity in that case though.

Now that I think about the enjoyment of smoke smell, I think I can also pass that off as a nostalgia thing. A comfort smell, so to speak.

Maybe I'm more of a nostalgic person than I thought...

All I know is that lately I seem to be encountering the smells more and in the moments that either one hits me, I can't help but stop and take it all in.

I just hope that I keep encountering those smells in the quantity I have been for a long time. I don't look forward to the time when that changes, hopefully it doesn't.

A weekend in BC

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 22:28:59 GMT

Well I finally got out of the province again for the first time in nearly 10 years. AND I finally got to go camping for the first time. I've learned some things in the process....

1) Hypothermia has a quick and easy cure, and it's kinky.
2) I'm apparently a frequent sufferer of the above condition.
3) The asthma they improperly diagnosed me with as a kid may actually exist now.
4) Boones rocks.
5) Always bring a good book just in case.
6) Staying away from tourist traps is a good idea on long weekends.
7) Always get extra firewood.
8) No matter how prepared you think you are, you'll always forget enough stuff to complicated something(s).
9) I'm a flat-land hiker.

That's all I can think of at the moment, but all in all I had fun popping my camping cherry. Even with my hiking relating asthma. Next time though, I hope I'm in better shape, oh and that it's warmer.

I have a problem...

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 18:53:15 GMT

I have a problem... an addiction of sorts, well, addiction fits perfectly actually. Sadly it's far to nerdy to be hardcore.

No kids, it's not booze, or drugs or sex (although that last one wouldn't cause many complaints...).

I'm addicted to a book series. If you do some googling you'll be able to see I'm not alone.
The series is called "Twilight".

Okay, so now I've fessed up, seriously, it's kind of overthrowing my life. You see, first it was just a book series, now they're releasing the first book as a movie, so every Tuesday, when information on said movie is released, I search the interwebs for it.
On top of that, the 4th and final book in the series is coming out August 2nd, and I'm making serious plans to be at a bookstore at midnight to grab a copy.

The author has music play lists for each book in the series, and I have downloaded and regularly listen to the music in said lists (although being exposed to new music is never a bad thing).

I'd get into more of the results of said addiction, but I'd rather not embarrass myself any further.

To think, I picked up the books a little over a month ago and I'm on my third reading of them...

Dream It Up Album Preview

Tue, 13 May 2008 03:15:12 GMT

Time Killing...

Tue, 13 May 2008 02:43:46 GMT

Okay, so I'm going to Calgary for a few days starting Thursday, which I'm SUPER STOKED for. And in my random, bored, web surfing found this little survey thingy so I figured it would be time to update my LJ...

9 Things About Me
1. I'm far to honest for my own good.
2. I love making out
3. I enjoy napping on Sunday afternoons
4. I'm a gamer girl (to a certain extent)
5. I have a soft spot for crappy top 40 music and piano ballads
6. Breakfast is my favorite meal, even at 5:30 at night
7. I would die without red meat
8. No, I'm not anorexic
9. I musician by love, not by trade

8 Ways to Win My Heart
1. Be awesome at making out
2. Make me laugh
3. Take advantage of me once in a while
4. Be honest
5. Gently stroke my face
6. Realize that even though I'm skinny I still appreciate food
7. Deal with the fact that I have to finish what I'm reading before I pay attention to you
8. Don't rely on texting to communicate

7 Things That Cross My Mind A Lot
1. Having money
2. Not having ENOUGH money
3. Sex
4. Being in Debt
5. Movies
6. Boredom
7. Hating my job

6 Things I Wish I Never Did
Well, although I try to live my life without regrets, I know I have them...
1. Putting myself into debt
2. Failing my second driver's test
3. Hanging up the phone that night
4. Not playing the field when I should have
5. I should play the piano more often
6. Been phone call obsessed 3 years ago

5 Turn Offs In a Boy
1. A guy who seemingly bathes in Axe/Tag (Worst smell ever in high concentrations)
2. A loud car stereo
3. Arrogant Asshole-ness
4. Disgusting teeth
5. No sense of humour

4 Turn Ons In a Boy
1. Amazing kissing
2. A crooked smile
3. A sense of humour
4. Likes me through all my flaws

3 Smilies That Describe My Life
1. ;)
2. :$
3. >:D

2 Things I Want Before I Die
1. To finally be content with my life overall
2. To go on vacation somewhere beautiful

1 Confession
It would probably be a good idea for me to play the field, even though I publicly refuse that's true.

It's official

Tue, 07 Aug 2007 17:05:14 GMT

This is a long delayed post, but I'll just get to the point. I'm moving in 11 days. I'll be back in Camrose, living in my own apartment. On the job market, I'm not sure what exactly is going on, but I do know that I'll be volunteering at the radio station there. Hopefully I'll be back into the radio gig by early/mid next year.

Basically this move comes down to the desire, no, need, to get out of Whitecourt. I'm used to living in small towns, I grew up in Camrose for crying out loud, but Whitecourt... there's just something about the bleh that is this town and it's middle of nowhere qualities.

Either way, as of the 18th, I'll be back in Camrose, unpacking my belongs and putting together my very nice newly renovated apartment. If you're in the area feel free to visit, I have a futon you can crash on and will soon have a kitten to cuddle with *dances*.

Now the key is to pay off my credit card and still be able to afford my share of rent and bills. Thank God for having someone to spilt rent with.

Thu, 21 Jun 2007 17:17:26 GMT

So it's pretty much official. I'll be out of Whitecourt come mid-august and back home to Camrose. I've been mulling over that idea for the last few months. It just seems like there's nothing in Whitecourt for me. I mean, with exception to my job.

So back home it is, where I'll probably get a part time job and take a couple courses to get myself back into my information whore days.

It's funny, after telling my boss that I've been thinking about leaving once my contract is up here (hence then not leaving till August), I'm not feeling super stoked that things are getting dealt with. At this point I'm thinking that it's because I'm getting excited about how involved in the community I'm going to be during the summer.

Getting listeners excited about the station is going to be awesome, and I'm really looking forward to it.

But outside of that, I know, once the summer's over, I'll probably start feeling like I do right now when it comes to Whitecourt.

I still have a lot of things to figure out over the next little while. I think once all that's dealt with I'll feel better. Not to mention I think it's just one of those "blah" kind of days. Well, and I need a nap.

A continuation of "Soundtrack to your life"

Sat, 02 Dec 2006 18:52:22 GMT

You know, I can handle what I did, but when I've played Lips of An Angel everyday at work since I've gotten back, you start to think a song is stalking you...

I'm not to happy about this, to say the least...

Stupid Hinder *shakes fist*

On that note, I'm playing it right now *grumble grumble*

Soundtrack to your life

Wed, 29 Nov 2006 02:08:59 GMT

So, I've never really put much thought into the "Soundtrack of your life" concept until just a few minutes ago (one of those shower-time thoughts). We all have or will have some contributions to this idea eventually, ie) the wedding song or the grad song

Well, my grad song (grade's 9 & 12) were the same thing and very unoriginal/disappointing (Green Day - Time of Your Life *bleh*) and I don't have a wedding song... but on Saturday night (Nov 25, 2006) I made a contribution to my life's soundtrack...

This one, is one not every person will have... not the song, but the moment, so what is that moment per say?

The making out with someone of the same sex moment...

Yes, I took the plunge, so to speak (a long awaited one at that)...

Also, yes it was an alcohol induced moment... So technically that would almost void it out... but as much as it was, it's still one of those moments that actually stick out in ones history, mostly because it was the only sober moment in a time filled with no memories, aka blacking out.

Do I regret it, hell no... would I do it again, probably...

That only leaves one question... what song was it...

Well... "Lips of an Angel" by Hinder...

Can I get a re-do?

Liquor shortage and PS3's

Thu, 16 Nov 2006 23:15:56 GMT

So, I'm sitting at work, and we just did aired the 4 o'clock news. I am now disturbed to know that Alberta may soon be the victim of an alcohol shortage....

Why could this be happening... well here's why

a)Because of the shortage of people to fill the jobs (you know, the ones that pay shit and you don't wanna do, so you're working on the rigs) in this province, we have a shortage of people to deliever the liquor to where it needs to be

b) We're drinking more liquor, probably because we're dealing with a population boom as well... and a lot of people in Alberta seem to be quite fond of their liquor

So in esscence, I turn 21 in 12 days, and Alberta is starting to have problems with it's liquor supply... THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE, as a girl who is thinking about getting happily drunk in 12 days, I hope to hell that there's liquor for me to consume...

Way to go guys... looks like I need to get a liquor shipping job now... yeesh

PS... you people buying PS3's for upwards of $2000 bucks on Ebay... get lives... you're making baby jesus cry with your lameness... can't you wait until, I don't know, more PS3's are available... wait, that would be smart... sorry I forgot

Getting sick of snow

Wed, 15 Nov 2006 18:35:44 GMT

That's right... I'm Canadian, and I am getting bloody sick of the snow...

I'm in Northern/Central Alberta, and I heard this morning that the 2 feet of snow we've gotten since just before Halloween (so in a little over 2 weeks) is the more than the amount of snow we've gotten in the last 2 years COMBINED!

I'm getting sick of looking out the window and seeing the snow fall...

To say the least I'm looking forward to the SUPPOSED above 0 temperatures for the next few days...

Oh... and Global Warming can suck it as far as I'm concerned... I'm officially calling shenanigans...

Now get me back to Calgary, the land of the Chinook!

PS... Drugs with the prefix Sulfa... aren't cool *vomits*

Brief continuation of the good, the bad, and the hisssss

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 18:30:20 GMT

Also... the Hills Have Eyes 2... WHY!!!

I will choke a bitch, I swear to God...

The good, the bad and the hisssssssssss

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 18:26:52 GMT

So I'm surfing JoBlo.com this morning, killing time before I have to get ready for work today. I found myself extra excited for my birthday about 2 weeks ago when I found out Incubus' new album is going to be released that day, then I find today that anything Superman movie-releated is being released that day as well as Clerks 2 and the 2nd in the "Evening with Kevin Smith" incarnations. Also, I look forward to downloading See No Evil with Kane from WWE, only because of the gore factor. The best news though was that Disney is re-releasing their animated version of Robin Hood... probably my favorite movie from my childhood (possibly only second to The Secret of Nimh).

Anyway... so I move on from awesome DVD release news and look whats being released into theatres in the next few months only to find White Noise 2: The Light... The booing and hissing insued then I read the synopsis to a movie that sounds like Final Destination 4, I'd like to thank the writers of White Noise 2 for crapping on Michael Keaton and his awesome-ness... I enjoyed White Noise and will continue to boo and hiss at White Noise 2 anytime I hear about it...

I expect very little more than extremely disappointed reviews...

A Shiat storm of snow in Whitecourt

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 15:46:19 GMT

As many of you don't know, I work at a radio station in Whitecourt, AB. I'm the evening and weekend girl, which technically means low woman on totem pole. I don't complain much about my job except the fact that I get bored at nights (which is why I have a LiveJournal now) and Whitecourt has very little to do when you have spare time (except drink, and it my case it's often alone).

Well my last 2 days have been rather hectic. Yesterday, at about quarter after 2 in the afternoon we heard a loud gun shot like noise (which we later found out was a bird who decided to go kamikaze) and ended up losing power in about 1/3 of our building, we were still on the air, thank God, but slowly started losing more power throughout the building for the next hour, first it was the office phones, then we went off the air all together, then we lost the on air phones... we had nothing and were told it could be hours before the company in charge of our power was going to be able to get to Whitecourt to change a FUSE, that's all it was, a simple fuse... Luckily by 3:30 we were back up and running. No crisis to worry about (I say that because we're running heavy with commercials, all of which are relevent to this weekend only, AND to top it all of, it's the end ratings week).

Well, this morning at 5, a guy friend of mine who's visiting woke me up to tell me the power was out, so I should check the time on my cell so I'm not late for work, reset my clock, etc. etc. So I do that, go back to sleep, luckily for me I got to sleep in today because a co-worker of mine who voice-tracks a show on Saturday mornings didn't get to voice-track said so because of the power outage yesterday, so he was live this morning. My alarm goes off at 7, the station still seemed to be running, all was good... I lay in bed until quarter after 8, when my friend was getting in the shower, then decided to see how my co-workers show was going, only to find out we were off the air. I call the station, and apparently we lost signal shortly after 7.

Well I get ready and get to work by 9, only to find out our transmitter is powerless as are parts of Whitecourt. Fortis (the previously mentioned company that is in charge of our power) calls us at the station to let us know that essentially it's they're locked out of the substation and it could take HOURS before the even find the line that's causing the problem, let alone fix it... by 9:30, again, luckily, we were up and running because our transmitter got power back...

*Sighs* Thank God were okay... for now... I just hope it stops snowing... stupid me not wearing my boots today...

Top Five Songs

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 22:25:43 GMT

So a good friend of mine recently posted his Top Five Albums... I'm pretty young (Tomorrow marks 1 month until I'm 21 years old) and didn't really get into music until my teenage years, thus I don't really have any albums that truly define times in my life or brought on great epiphanys, so I'll stick with songs for now. Also, we all have albums/songs that mean something to us, but when it comes to ones that define a time in your life or awoke you to a new feeling or really meant something to you deep down to your core, I find that they mean something and that those songs will always be important to you. I found that with the songs on my list, in fact it was actually a requirement... Oh, and one last thing, I found one of the songs means something to me and has stuck with me for years, but there's no true explanation why, it wasn't a that helped me define a feeling or a moment, but it brought me comfort to some level... so without further ado here's my list and why each song is there...

Honorable Mentions: This is Your Life - Switchfoot; Nothing Else Matters - Metallica; Krwlng - Linkin Park

5) Letting The Cables Sleep - Bush
This is one of those songs that brought me comfort in some way but I don't really get why. Obviously that leaves me with very little to ~~say~~ type here. Is it weird that this song is cathartic for me and I can't possibly explain why?

4) Don't Wanna Go - Crowned King
I find a lot of the songs on this list involve moving forward in life, and dealing with change. This song seems to define my inability with losing friends because we're growing apart, also, for me, it deals with the fear of change, well not necessarily the fear, but that little bit of foreboding about what's to come. Your worried if everything is going to be what you want to to be, but at the same time you can't wait to face it. Plus the driving beat of this song makes me rock out, and I love rocking out

3) Fall - Eccentricity
Out of the 5 songs here, this one definitely defines a specific time in my life. The 2 years I spent in Calgary going to SAIT are pretty well defined by this song, it's kind of funny that this song didn't really show up in my play list until into my 2nd year. The song has really helped me deal with my problems with self-confidence, and trust me when I say I have done a 180 in self confidence since going to SAIT. I'm a much happier person, and I attribute my time at SAIT and the people I spent time with those 2 years for helping me overcome the problem... so all in all, yay SAIT!

2) All The Same - Sick Puppies
This is a song that has really started to mean something to me recently... I think it also has a bit to do with a video that a friend recommended that I watch. Click here to watch it. I find every time that I hear the song or watch the video I'm moved. It's also kind of bittersweet for me because it makes me want to do something, to be a better person, but I don't know how to change... I will one day though.

1) Drive - Incubus
It seems that the song at #2 should almost qualify for this spot, but this song has meant something to me for years. I find it really defines me as a person in a lot of ways, I'm loyal to a fault, although at times I find I shouldn't be, but I am. Also it's about moving forward, and for me I always try to move foward in life, I hate stagnation and I think that's why I'm in radio, it means lots of change, and it tends to be often too. Also, I've never gotten sick of this song, and that's a big thing for me. It's like, you listen to a radio station and they play the same song what seems like every hour, you get sick of it quick, but this song as never gone there...